Morning all!
Greetings from Nicole. Today's entry find us at the moment where Jesus has been led by the Holy Spirit into the desert and was tempted by the devil there. The devil meets Jesus in the midst of his hunger and says "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answers reminding the devil "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
I have been turning that exchange over in my mind over the last week or so as I have been dealing with my own temptations and more vigilant about how the devil can show up in our seemingly mundane, everyday affairs.
Before my recent trip, I was out shopping to pick up last minute outfits, shoes, toiletries, etc.,.. And I was astonished at how often I was approached to open up new credit card accounts. "Uh, Ma'am, would you like to open a blah-blah card with us today. This will assure that you get 10 percent off today's purchase, earn VALUABLE store points and qualify you for the super-duper fabulous, stupendous bonus coupons that you can use to return to the store during the week of blah-blah-blah." And it just went on and on: "Are you sure you aren't interested, ma'am? I can go get the application and fill it out for you now while you shop and have it all set up by the time you are ready to check out?" It took all I could do to remain calm wit' them.
I swear: no matter what store I entered there was some well-meaning soul prowling the floor figuring out who she could devour next... trying to hawk her quota of store credit cards while folks shopped and again at the register.
Now, what was interesting about all this is that it was occurring in the midst of a personal war I have been waging against credit card spending in my own life. So these encounters in the store were my "turn these stones to bread" moments as I was tempted to open up cards for seemingly easy credit. So, these credit card dealers were trying my nerves. And I was indeed tempted to open the accounts---as I had plenty to buy and would have loved a lil' space between my purchase and my payment.
However, after some honest, ugly reflection on my own finances earlier this summer, I was able to withstand the retail warfare because I've just gotten fed up with debt... fed up with buying now and paying later... and fed up with living in financial dishonesty with myself.
My use of credit cards had become similar to my issues around my weight. Just as I had not been paying serious SUSTAINED attention to my weight and physical health, I had not been paying serious SUSTAINED attention to my credit card spending and financial health. So, over the years both the numbers on my scale and the numbers of my monthly statements had both crept up to uncomfortable ranges---while I kept eatin', chargin' and chuggin' along.
I rationalized the spending because I was using credit cards to pay for airline ticket, travel, trips home and conferences as I transitioned from struggling graduate student to working college professor. Furthermore, I had convinced myself that it was OK to pay with credit cards because I would pay it all off when my check came...and somehow that wouldn't quite occur. But I took some comfort in the fact that I was making SOME gains in paying things off this year.
But God will convict you if you let him into your WHOLE LIFE---even you lesson plans for your courses. This summer, I was doing a lot of reading and preparing a series of lectures on consumer culture for my fall courses. SO, WHY DID THE LORD CONVICT ME AROUND MY OWN FINANCIAL DISHONESTY REGARDING MY SPENDING.
Now, my thinking was: Lord, you ain't sus'sposed to use my course textbooks THAT I PICKED FOR MY STUDENTS to get all up in MY biz'ness---but I see you can use what you need to get my attention. And, it was as if the Lord was saying: "Teacher, it's great that you want to help your students, but you better lay hand on your own finances first."
So---back to my pre-vacation shopping---I was fine for the first few days of errand-running and making it out of the mall ( and several larger department stores) with a "no thank you" strong in my spirit around their credit card offers as I paid for things in cash and kept it moving. But then came that issue of a camera purchase. This was my equivalent of that moment after 40 days and 40 nights when Christ got hungry. I had been doing well, but when it came to my camera purchase, I could feel my wallet growling and my spirit weaken.
I had been feigning for a digital camera for at least a year and made up in my mind that I wanted to get a digital camera for my trip. So, after a good shopping day, I strolled over to a local branch of a big box electronics store to look at cameras. And of course, a fresh-faced knowledgeable young sales associate swooped down on me to walk me through all the options, models, accessories I would ever need for picture taking euphoria. And after filling up my basket with the necessary camera and supplementary items, he was kind enough to escort me to the register and have his sales associate assist me in completing my purchase.
And---just like her fellow sisters-dealers---she, too, offered me a stupendous opportunity to get a store credit card. Now, this got dicey. I needed some other electronics and knew that that would be a great card to have. And even though I chose a camera on sale, the case, memory card, etc.,. were adding up and again, it would be nice to keep that cash in my pocket for for the upcoming trip.
But, after the teller finished sprinkling all her magic credit card fairy dust, I dug deep in the spirit---and into my pocket...and gave her cash. I walked away with my camera and supplementals paid for, but was feeling a lil' shaky as I left the store.
Interestingly, as I got in the car, I just sat there and could feel my heart racing. What in the world was happening??? I just sat there and held on to the steering wheel and felt a wave of emotion wash over me.
And then I realized what was happening: I WAS DEALING WITH THE REAL EMOTION OF SPENDING REAL MONEY ON THINGS I REALLY WANTED AND NEEDED. I was spending money that I had, that I earned and not buying things on credit to pay off later. And during a week of spending a fair amount of cash, my emotions welled up based on the fact because I was paying for things outright---which meant that my saving might be a little more depleted, but I liberating myself of the burden of shopping on credit and creating more debt.
Thus, that act of living honestly actually impacted me emotionally. It was a wake-up call to me to see what it means to pay for things WITH MONEY YOU ACTUALLY HAVE and not living a lie with someone else's money.
So, I share this in the hopes of bearing witness to one of those everyday moments when we---like Christ---face the challenges to yield to temptation to satisfy our immediate desires.
And yet, for me, it was important to be able to recognize the long term impacts that excessive credit card spending had been having on my finances, mental health and future. We live in a society that is constantly trying to convince us that our value is rooted in our possessions and that we need as many new possessions as we can carry, order or house to fulfill us. However, if we can remember that even Christ was tempted but stood firm as he focused on his larger misson for God, so can we.
Be well, Beloved!
---Nicole
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